| MOVED. blog & portfolio.
finally moved to a doctcom site! been on this xanga since 2006, so i'm just leaving it here (for now). see you on the other side! xx |
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frustrated.
not just about school (though it is a big part of it). because of the lack of sleep the entire past week due to filming, i have been insanely cranky. i think i still am, slightly. the never-ending pile of homework has a part to play as well. and then came along the unnecessary drama and tension. i particularly dislike it when people make a mountain out a of molehill, especially when i have so many other things to care about. and when people assume you think about them, or write about them... you can't help but have this bitchy feeling- you're not worthy of my caring. sounds bitchy, but truestory. and then there are the people who leave, vanish for a while, but you feel like they are not just literally miles away, but emotionally as well? i feel farther from you than i am supposed to be. its a form of skinny love, this friendship. and then some days you rediscover your old friends and you catch up with them, and you realise you need to make much more time for them. it is worth it. time that eats into my sleep but for people i can't stand to neglect. somedays i get frustrated when i stay home and get hardly anything done. it fucking sucks. the feeling sucks. i think i put too much pressure on myself. the frustration is reaching a new high. and my feelings, i can't sort them out. feelings for everything, everyone. they are a mess on the floor and i can't bear to pick them up and re-arrange them, to keep them in order, because i'm afraid to admit anything or to find something new underneath the already-crazy mess. and everynight i seek solace in the comfort of my bed and i sleep everything away because its so bloody therapeutic and i just love sleeping so so much. its like my passion. i swear i'm not depressed. and i'm not negative either. i dislike it when people echo their negative thoughts to the whole world and complain about their inadequacy - i hate the word "inadequate". nobody should use it. nobody is truly inadequate, especially in my society. so don't ask for attention, i am not bothered. we are all fine. alive and kicking. surviving just fine. now we just need a better reason to live. |
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